Is This the Reality You Want to See?

Title: Is This the Reality You Want to See?
Author: Fallissa Ananda Putri
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: If they were mine, they would be joyfully fat right now.
Summary: Nobody really knows how SHINee really feel.
Author’s Note: I am sad. I released it on this fic. I’m sorry, SHINee.

They don’t know. Nobody ever knows. Dreams tend to deceive you. The spotlight used to shine so bright. It used to look like a guiding light probably because it was so far. Each and every member of SHINee ran towards that light. They tried their hardest to reach the light. Now they are the light.

Nobody really knows. The light is blinding. It shines so painfully bright. The heat stabs into their skin. The combination just seems to cloud their visions. But they were told to sing, and so they did. They were told to dance, and so they obeyed.

You and you and you don’t know that they’re exhausted. Taemin dances like there is no tomorrow. Every single limb on his body feels like falling to pieces, but he just smiles. The company knows you love his smile, so he was told to smile, and so he did.

Kibum bitches all the time. Nobody knows how Kibum can show you what real bitching would sound like. You think those bitchings you hear on TV are bitchings? You never hear the way Kibum snaps at Jinki in the dorm. You never see Kibum shoos Jonghyun out of the room for being endlessly obnoxious. No, you don’t know. Nobody knows that Kibum bitches because that’s what you say he does best. He bitches up to the point where he doesn’t know himself anymore.

Jinki is sangtae and he loves to bump his head. You think it’s cute, but you have never seen the countless bruises on his body. You think it’s funny when he randomly trips on air. You’ve never seen how he almost fell on the stairs and killed himself. It will be up to Kibum to clean his wounds in the morning, adding to the long list of targets for Kibum’s bitching. Jinki loves to bump his head because he is simply directionless. He is lost and confused and here he is expected to lead.

Jonghyun hates for being short. You all praise him for his good voice, when most of the time he feels like sounding like a girl. Jonghyun cries a lot and you, fangirls, will never see it. It’s not that fanservice tears you see in award shows. Jonghyun cries because he’s tired of living like a robot. You will never hear the sound of fists colliding against the wall in the morning. You will never hear an extremely beautiful voice wastes its talent to a loud desperate scream in the bathroom.

And Minho? Minho is quiet. Minho doesn’t like to talk. But you keep bitching because Minho never talked. The company forced Minho to talk. So Minho talked. Minho curses those days when he could just play football instead. But the company wants him to rap. Minho vibrates this kind of aura you like to call charisma, when in fact Minho is just angry. I am angry for letting myself fall to the giant dark abyss of idolism.

As Jonghyun hyung loved to say in Hello Baby, “Is this the reality that you guys want to see?”

You don’t know that he meant it, do you?